Yes, folks, I was minding my business on Wilshire Boulevard when I suddenly saw orange, er mango, in the sky.  I was fixated.  Traffic was slow so I invested a lot of time looking at it.  And looking. . .still looking…until I admitted to myself out loud what I was thinking: “that must be a depiction of ‘gina!”  But then I thought “no way, that would be too dicey.”  So I continued to stare to determine if that was really the expression being depicted. . .or if I was just sick and perverted.  First I was like, “no, it can’t be, it’s upside down.”  Then, “well, I guess it could be an image looking down the torso of a female positioned as sitting on a "mango," or maybe a female on all fours, getting it on with some "fruit".”  Gah!  What’s wrong with me?!!

I became embarrassed (which was silly because I was alone in my car) and my mind started to race.  Was a 'gina expression really being depicted by Absolut?   Maybe I am becoming partial to women since the Gay Pride and Dyke Parades were just last weekend?  Maybe I just really, really, really needed some man time?  So I took a picture of it on my Blackberry and emailed it to an ex asking if he sees what I see.  I figured if *he* of all people didn’t see it, then I was probably possessed by Hank Moody in anticipation of the new season of Californication, and therefore desperately needed professional help.  Fortunately he said that he saw it and that it must be intentional on Absolut’s part.  “Sex sells baby!”  After receiving his response, I felt more secure about my sexual identity (I still prefer men exclusively) and sexual health (i.e., not randomly seeing twat on billboards while driving).  Soon after, while in class, I garnered the courage to post the picture on my Facebook profile to ask my friends for their feedback.  I was clearly more interested in the ad than the Uniform Commercial Code.  Keep in mind this is not saying much about the success of their hooha ad campaign because just about anything is more interesting than the UCC.  Here are some of their responses:

A piece of fruit. Or, for some, a Rorschach test...

Let's have a looksee.... :::::putting on glasses:::: :::::::tilting head:::::::::: Hmmmm..... Oh yes, now I see it.... oh my!

An apple in the knot of a tree, but I think all the ink blots I've ever seen look like butterflies.

A gapped hole, Aka vagina!!!

So I’m not alone (sigh of relief).  Soon a link was forwarded to me:  http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fsalma-gundi.blogspot.com%2F2008%2F01%2Fabsolut-vagina.html&h=e6aa8b446011fd20a685736a73f6caf1

It’s a link to a blog discussing an Absolut Citron ad that depicts something similar but with a lemon.  When I looked at it I figured that this ad must have come before the Absolut Mango ad because the Mango ad is much more explicit and daring, no?? 

Well, the snatch catch of the ad certainly invoked a Beavis and Butthead kind of laugh (heh…heh, vagina, heh heh).  And my ex is right, sex does sell, which is not news.  And sure, it seems logical that Absolute would want the *gentlemen* that drink vodka to identify with the following equation: Absolut = coochie.

I am utterly fascinated that the ad is subliminal enough that it's not really causing any controversy.  It seems WAY conspicuous to me.  The time I spent staring at it was time wasted trying to persuade myself that I was NOT seeing poontang.

The Mango ad, which is much more detailed than the Citron ad, is being broadcasted via a Yokoyama Gigantor-sized billboard on Wilshire Boulevard.  It seems more fitting as an ad in a Playboy or Maxim magazine.  But, I should probably relax, it’s just K-town and they need that kind of stuff.  Well, they must because all you see in K-town are sex ads.